With all due respect…
I was at a meeting recently where someone began nearly every sentence with the words ‘with respect’. The topic was fairly contentious, and so I suspected the intent was to diffuse any tension. But after a couple of hours relentless use, even I had to wonder whether it was a habit the user had become unaware of, or whether in fact it was being used to indicate a lack of respect.
In legal practice many years ago, I recall waiting for a matter to be heard by a Supreme Court registrar. Another practitioner, after an altercation with the registrar on a missing document, finally began a new sentence with the words ‘With respect…’ The registrar fixed the practitioner with a steely look, flipped the case file to the associate and said ‘matter dismissed’. While there were grounds for the matter to be dismissed, I’m sure the ‘with respect’ phrase sealed the practitioner’s fate. The sub-text to the registrar was ‘you’re wrong’.
And that’s how it began to sound in the meeting. The sub-text began to play each time the person spoke – ‘you are wrong and I’m going to explain why’.
So a word of warning: be aware of phrases you use frequently, take care in using them, and understand the meaning of them in particular contexts. You may be saying more than you realise.